my.nwi.com

So I did it this morning. I did it with a t-shirt on and after a cup of coffee. I hoped if it was THAT bad, I could try again tomorrow without the t-shirt and BEFORE the coffee. But my weight gain was better than I had anticipated. I'm 8 pounds heavier than where I was. I'm 13 pounds heavier than where I wish I was. I was pretrified to weigh myself. I have a Dr. appt. for my annual well woman exam on 1/7 and had this vision of getting on the scale and my Dr. yelling at me...like I was a child being scolded by my parent. And I think to myself, get a grip! You're 47 years old. No Dr. should yell at you for anything let alone weight. So I decided to get a hold of my fear and step on the scale. And when the results weren't as bad as I thought they would be, I was both elated and motivated. So I put on my clothes and left for the gym. I would really like to take off the 8 pounds but cannot believe that's all it is. Maybe a skinny person thinks that's a lot, but for a former fat person, only having to lose 8 pounds is a dream come true.

What stuns and dissappoints me is the weeks of dread that preceeded the scale this morning. That's how long its taken me to step on it. Weeks. Before my weight loss surgery, I could have gained 10 pounds in the time it took me to gather the courage to weigh myself. This can be such a vicious cycle.